Remembering, is a talent we writers tend to cultivate. We mine our memory banks for interesting stories to tell, hone in on details we might use to illuminate a sense of place, a time, a mood. We ask our family, our friends, our colleagues, Do you remember the time…? And are puzzled when they recall events differently. Or worse yet, maybe they remember nothing at all.
Recently my husband reconnected with an old high school friend and they compared memories.
A traumatic incident had landed her in the hospital during my husband’s final year of college in the city where he lived. Having finished most of his coursework my husband told me he would go and visit her every day. This went on for a period of several weeks. Her mother, visiting from out-of-town was there as well and he would give her mother a ride back to the hotel where she was staying.
His friend, however, does not remember his visits.
Perhaps that part of her life was so difficult to process, it was easier to forget. Maybe in order to fully heal, she needed to forget.
As a writer, I’ve tried hard to be a good observer. But memory can be a complicated thing.
As someone committed to social justice, I want to make certain the injustices of the past are not forgotten. However, not everyone agrees that alerting humanity to atrocities committed during previous decades and centuries is the path towards healing.
I feel we learn from our past mistakes. I feel it is important to preserve collective memory. The challenge: our memories can be so different.
Two weeks ago I began reading or rather listening to A Primer for Forgetting: Getting Past the Past by Lewis Hyde. Listening is a good way to digest the material in this fascinating text, as long as you can tolerate the echoing gong alerting you to a reference topic change. The book is dense with information. I highly recommend it.
Listening to cited excerpts from historians, philosophers, poets and mythology has forced me to consider memory from a variety of vantage points. Maybe remembering every little episode in our lives is not a gift but a curse. Hyde ‘s material invites you to consider the necessity for releasing past memories in order to make space for new experiences. When we get to mired in the same routines and traditions, we can lose the ability to learn something new that might enhance our lives.
If we are so busy fuming over past injustices and struggles, we may miss new opportunities. An example might be: a person unfairly loses their job, but if they put all their energy into complaining about their past employer, they may miss the opportunity to forge a path in a different direction that might bring them more happiness.
In several reincarnation stories, Hyde cites, a soul begins a new life by forgetting their previous knowledge. Remembering, is considered detrimental. Elders, however, are revered because they retain the wisdom of the past.
It’s a balance, hyperthymesia vs. amnesia. Is remembering everything a blessing or a curse? It’s a great subject for storytelling. Thank you for reading and don’t forget to sign up to follow me for FREE on WordPress or Medium. Nadjamaril.com
Nadja Maril, Writer & Author 
One thought on “Remembering. Is it a Blessing or a Curse?”